Every year, the days leading up to December 31 are sprinkled with the exchange of holiday gifts, gatherings with family and friends, and conversations about the resolutions — often related to lifestyles, health, relationships, work, and family — that we will undertake at the beginning of the upcoming year. 10… 9… 8…
As the anticipated countdown begins, we envision a new year full of hope, possibilities, and growth. 7… 6… 5… 4… The excitement and commitment we experience in that moment feels strong enough to carry us unfailingly through the next 12 months. 3… 2… 1… Everything is possible. The first weeks (and perhaps even months) of the year are filled with countless small victories as we move ahead in complete alignment with our resolutions. Inevitably, as the months go by and life happens, our resolve dwindles. By summer we may very well discover that we’ve deviated too far from the original plan or that we’ve abandoned our resolutions altogether in favor of the demands that work, family, and life have imposed on us and our schedules. Once again, the desire to lead ourselves has taken a back seat to our responsibilities, to-do lists, and ever-changing priorities.
I realized about seven years ago that I had found myself in that situation more times than I could count. As I shared my frustration with one of my leadership coaches, he asked me one of the most introspective questions I had ever heard… “What is one area of your life where you’d like to experience growth?” I had no response and arriving at that answer ultimately required several weeks of self‑examination. A few weeks later, I went back to my coach and announced I needed life-work balance. 2016 was just a few weeks away and my new year resolution became one word: boundaries.
But, what does it mean to have boundaries? Who sets them? How are they communicated? Who is responsible for enforcing and respecting them? Are boundaries flexible? How can they positively or negatively impact my life and the lives of those around me? How can I manage resistance to boundaries? I love reading and learning, so it was easy for me to dive into this makeshift resolution with both feet. I started taking actions to define and set boundaries and by the end of the year I had experienced enough transformation to decide that my 2017 “resolution” would [again] be boundaries. I did not know it at the time, but the work I did over those 24 months would have a profound impact non only on my life-work balance, but also in the way I led myself and others through the challenges that came in the following years.
Since 2015, I’ve been investing time during the last weeks of each year to identify the word that will be the focus of my learning, reflection, intentionality, practice, transformation, and growth over the next 12 months. For me, there is more power in that single word than in a long list of ambitious resolutions and goals. For 2023, my word is wholeness, which I define as follows:
“I know where my identity and my value come from, and I speak, prioritize, and act in ways that allow me to be in integrity with my true self. I give my time, gifts, talents, and treasures to the causes, people and relationships that matter most to me. In this way, I am whole.”
In her book 24/7 The First Person You Must Lead Is You, Brigadier General Becky Halsted (US Army, Retired) writes that “When you lead yourself better, you lead others better.” She goes on to say that “By being willing to learn, remaining disciplined with your choices, recognizing your shortcomings, and deliberately identifying your priorities and values, you are leading yourself better. … Those you lead become the beneficiaries of a better version of you.” What impact will my pursuit of wholeness have on those I lead in the places where I live, work and play?
Each new year brings with itself new opportunities to learn and grow. As I expectantly consider the experiences and challenges that 2023 may bring to me, I am excited about facing them with courage and determined to treat each one as an opportunity to be transformed into a whole leader.
Happy New Year!