What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear someone mention humility? The top 20 results on a recent internet search suggest that most associate humility with poverty, altruism, and depriving oneself of comfort. While I whole-heartedly believe that these can be some of the attributes that humble leaders possess, I submit that humility is not a lifestyle, but rather a way of being and thinking that defines what we believe about ourselves and the world around us, thus compelling us into compassion and service to others. British author C.S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia) describes it this way: “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”
The Chronicles is a series of seven novels that narrate the story of the fantasy realm of Narnia from its creation to its eventual destruction. At the center of the story is Aslan, the Great Lion. He is portrayed as the guardian and savior of Narnia who guides various characters in navigating the internal conflict between humility and pride. Throughout the stories, those who succumb to pride and self-sufficiency suffer the consequences of their actions. In contrast, humility and self-awareness are rewarded, and those who learn from their mistakes and struggles mature in character, authenticity, and integrity. Just like the characters in The Chronicles of Narnia, I struggle in my journey to grow in humility. Repetitive choices to act humbly can develop true humility over time. But even as I’ve made progress towards becoming humble, am I at risk of becoming proud of my humility. I often think about Lewis’s quote and wonder: How can I think of myself less, without thinking less of myself?
In a conversation several years ago, one of my mentors suggested that humility has three components — self-awareness, mutuality, and emotional regulation. I think of self-awareness as vulnerability, a combination of courage and honesty with myself and with others. By recognizing my strengths and weaknesses I stay connected to my reality and recognize in others the character, talent, and values that I aspire to. I know what I’m good at and I’m confident in my abilities; yet I am aware of my opportunities to grow. As work and personal relationships develop, I can authentically share, learn, and teach in a non-judgmental setting. I can I think of myself less, without thinking less of myself!
Mutuality is about respect and equality in relationships. It’s about seeing the person, not their title, opinion, or knowledge. It’s about taking responsibility for myself and creating a safe space for others to take responsibility for themselves. Mutuality comes easier to me when I’m self-aware. Some of the things I do to practice mutuality include inviting and welcoming feedback, creating opportunities for others to shine at what they’re good at, recognizing others, and being proud to be part of the team. I strive to treat others the way I would like to be treated.
When I think of emotional regulation, I think of balance. This is the component that allows me to respond in ways that are proportional to the situation at hand. Showing generosity in my assumptions is one of the ways in which I regulate my emotions. I’ve often found that taking a step back to gather my thoughts and think through the problem goes a long way in avoiding a disproportionate response, especially in a work environment where priorities can change quickly, and timelines are typically short.
In his March 2015 article published by Forbes, 13 Habits of Humble People, Jeff Boss proposed that leaders who score high min humility are situationally aware, retain relationships, make difficult decisions with ease, put others first, listen, are curious, speak their minds, take time to say thank you, have an abundance mentality, accept feedback, start sentences with you rather than I, assume responsibility, and ask for help. As I considered his list, I was able to tie these practices to self-awareness, mutuality, and emotional regulation.
In the book Prince Caspian: the Return to Narnia, first published in 1951, Aslan asks a young Caspian if he feels ready to become king of Narnia. The 13-year-old boy states he doesn’t think so. Aslan responds: “If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been a proof that you were not.” Caspian’s humility is rewarded and shortly thereafter he begins his rule as King of Narnia with Aslan’s blessing. I often ask myself if my role as a leader is more than I can handle. Perhaps it’s a sign that I’m ready to learn and grow.